How to speed up your toddler’s bedtime routine
If bedtime feels like it drags on forever, getting out of the bath is a battle, there’s always “one more book!”, or “one more sip of water!”… Most toddler moms are right there with you.
Toddlers are pros at stretching bedtime. The good news? It doesn’t have to feel like a marathon that leaves you drained and frustrated. With a few shifts in routine and mindset, you can guide your toddler through the evening in a way that’s quicker, calmer, and still deeply connected.
First, is day sleep messing with night sleep?
Before we even talk routine, let’s zoom out. Sometimes the reason bedtime drags is because naps are getting in the way.
If your toddler is still napping late in the day or napping longer than their body really needs, they might not be ready for sleep in the evening and it can push bedtime later and later. That late nap leads to a late bedtime, which leads to less overnight sleep, cranky mornings, another long nap, and the cycle continues…
So if bedtime feels like a battle, check in on naps first. Sometimes shortening or shifting them is the simplest fix.
How and when to drop your toddler’s nap.
Why toddlers stall at bedtime:
Toddlers don’t stall because they’re trying to ruin your evening (even though it feels that way sometimes). It’s totally normal for them to push boundaries, but the boundary pushing usually falls into one of these three categories:
Procrastination
Boundary testing
Connection seeking
All three are normal, and all three are opportunities for you to step in as the calm, confident leader they need.
What happened to my good sleeper? Why your toddler suddenly won’t sleep.
Two essential routines:
Every bedtime has two layers: the care routine and the connection routine.
The care routine is the must-do list: bath, brushing teeth, lotion, potty/diaper, pajamas.
Naming the care routine can help toddlers understand that these are non-negotiables that we must do first, but they’re finite– they have something to look forward to after the care routine like a book, talking to their lovies, or cuddles.
Once theses essentials are done, you can add a fun signal to let them know that the “to-do’s” are complete and it’s now connection time—“hopping like a bunny” to their room, waving goodnight out the window, tucking in a teddy, or turning on the sound machine.
After care comes connection. This is where you read books, sing songs, pray, or snuggle. It doesn’t need to be long or complicated, but it does need to feel special.
Turning off the lights and closing the door is a big separation. When toddlers feel connected, the separation is easier. If your toddler keeps stalling bedtime, it might just be that your child needs the connection piece emphasized more than the logistics.
Dealing with separation anxiety at bedtime.
The important thing to remember: you’re the leader here.
Bedtime goes faster when you’re leading, not negotiating. Think gentle authority.
Toddlers thrive with clear boundaries and choices. When it comes to non-negotiables, be clear and calm, and try offering small decisions to keep the routine moving along:
“You can climb out of the bath or I can help you.”
“You’re in charge of picking two books.”
“We’re wearing pajamas to bed, but you can pick which pair.”
Shifting your mindset from “dragging” your toddler through the routine to “leading” them through the routine and “inviting” them into the process is important here. This shift sets the tone for you, your toddler, and everything that follows the routine.
Set the tone
Toddlers feed off your energy. When you bring a calm energy to the routine, they learn to wind down with you.
Simple cues like dimming lights, singing a certain song, or turning on a nightlight during those last few minutes of playtime can signal bedtime is near.
And modeling matters too: if you’re scrolling on your phone during the bedtime routine, kids sense the distraction. Putting your own phone away, changing into pajamas, or pouring yourself a cup of tea says, “We’re all winding down now.”
Tantrums and “one more” x, y, z…
Let’s talk about the common bedtime curveballs:
Tantrums: When your little one is losing it just as you’re putting them to bed, it’s hard to know what to do. You might want to give in to their requests because saying no might lead to a meltdown, but giving in repeatedly at bedtime will just reinforce these behaviors. Stay calm and hold your boundaries through tantrums. When you have a healthy and consistent way to deal with tantrums throughout the day, that can carry over into the bedtime routine.
One more potty trip: Offer a “last call” and stick to it. Multiple trips are usually stalling tactics. If restricting the potty doesn’t feel great, move the last call toward the end of the routine so you’re sure that they don’t need to go if they ask again.
One more snack or drink: If food is part of your routine, make it consistent (something filling, not sugary). This might include cheese slices, hard-boiled eggs, banana with peanut butter, or almond flour crackers. Hold steady in when you’re giving it to them, what you’re giving them, and how much you’re giving them so the bedtime snacks don’t become another negotiation point. Trust that if your child is hungry, they will eat what’s offered to them at meal time during the day.
Screens
Screens before bed are no friend to sleep. We know blue light delays melatonin production and it’s even more disruptive for children.
Instead, try winding down with something a little more soothing. My toddler and I are huge fans of a Yoto or Toniebox for screen-free time before bed.
You’re the leader they need.
Toddlers push boundaries. It's a natural part of their development and in learning who they can depend on. But even with boundary-pushing, bedtime doesn’t have to be a battle. With the right rhythms, you can shorten bedtime without skipping on the care and connection your toddler needs.
If you’re ready to establish sustainable, restorative sleep routines that serve the whole family, whatever stage your child is in, you can book a consultation call with me! I’d love to support you in any way I can.
To better sleep,
Ella