What happened to my good sleeper? Why your toddler suddenly won’t sleep.
If your once-great sleeper is suddenly fighting bedtime, you're not alone.
So many parents come to me in this exact scenario–toddlerhood hits, and sleep just falls apart. You’re not imagining things, and you’re not doing anything wrong.
But here’s what is often the most frustrating part:
These kiddos were sleep trained. You did put in the work. Boundaries were clear. Independent sleep was happening… and then? It’s like they forgot it all.
What feels like “regressive” behavior isn’t random—it’s a response to something meaningful unfolding in their world.
Common triggers include:
Sickness – parents understandably offered more support during recovery but that extra support stuck around even after they’re feeling better
Travel – new routines and unfamiliar environments can make the separation at bedtime more challenging
Big life transitions – a new sibling, starting school, moving houses… all the big feels bubble up at bedtime.
However, there are occasions where it’s not even that deep. Toddlers can just decide they prefer you in the room, and they’re not exactly subtle about it.
But the root of it all is they're seeking connection, and when the world slows down at bedtime, that’s usually the time that they want extra connection.
Typical toddler pushback:
Believe it or not, your toddler isn’t manipulating you. They’re not being “bad.” They’re just little humans trying to feel safe and secure.
It’s totally normal for your toddler to push boundaries. It’s what they’re supposed to do. Whether it's at mealtimes, getting dressed, or bedtime, testing limits is how toddlers learn about their world.
What’s key is focusing on their actual needs, not just their wants, when they push back. At bedtime, for example, they may want you to stay—but that doesn’t mean it’s what they truly need.
“Loving our child does not mean keeping him happy all the time and avoiding power struggles. Often it is doing what feels hardest for us to do… saying “no” and meaning it.” -Janet Lansbury
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What toddlers actually need at bedtime
Here’s what bedtime really calls for:
A predictable routine they can count on
Loving but firm boundaries around sleep
Connection during the day, so they’re not scrambling for it at night
A parent who understands that holding a boundary is not mean—it’s protective
You have permission to be the parent.
They’re two, three, maybe four. They don’t know what’s best for their sleep. You do.
Toddlers feel most secure when they’re met with consistent, loving leadership that helps them trust the world around them.
It might be time to say, “I know you want me to stay, but you’re safe here. I love you so much. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Setting bedtime expectations doesn’t make you cold or unloving. Sleep is health. Sleep is safety. You’re allowed to prioritize it for them and for you.
So what needs to change?
Check in with yourself – Are you ready to make changes and stick to them? Change takes energy. Make sure you’re in a place to give it.
Have a family meeting – Lay out the new bedtime expectations. Let your child know exactly what will happen from now on.
Practice during the day – Role-play the new routine when things are calm and playful. Start the conversation with “let’s pretend it’s bedtime! What do we do at bedtime?”
Look at the schedule – Is their sleep schedule optimized for a smooth bedtime? It might be time to drop a nap. Make sure bedtime isn’t following a skipped dinner or missed playtime. Toddlers need to burn energy and fill their connection cups.
Follow through – Your words only work if your actions back them up. Toddlers are pros at sniffing out hesitation.
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From the literal couch of Ella…
Based on my own experience, setting firm boundaries is what I NEED to show up as a loving, patient, present parent.
I need my evenings.
I need rest.
I need to sit down, breathe, and reset.
So I can be the mother my toddler needs tomorrow.
Even as a great sleeper, sometimes he’ll still want more connection at bedtime, but I can say no and hold that limit because I love him enough to lead.
Bad nights or even bad weeks happen, but they don’t have to last forever.
You’re the parent. You’re the leader.
And I promise, deep down your toddler needs and wants that leadership, even when they scream “NOOOO!” at 8:32 PM.
So take a deep breath, set the limit, offer consistent support, and trust that this boundary is one beneficial for everyone.
For more free resources, you can browse my free sleep solutions studio.
To better sleep,
Ella