How to get better sleep without sleep training
Deciding when and if you want to sleep train your child is a big decision for all parents. Sometimes that’s a philosophical choice. Sometimes it’s emotional. Sometimes it’s simply that life feels too full right now to take on something that requires a lot of will power.
But the bottom line is we all need sleep to thrive.
If you don’t want to sleep train right now, the good news is that sleep training is not the only path to better sleep.
Better sleep doesn’t have to mean sleeping through the night, falling asleep independently, or removing all support. It can mean fewer night wakings, shorter wake-ups, smoother bedtimes, and sleep that feels more manageable for everyone involved.
There is a wide and supportive middle ground between doing nothing and formal sleep training, and for many families, that middle ground is a good place to start.
What does “better sleep” look like for your family?
Without sleep training, the goal shifts slightly. Instead of asking, “How do I get my baby to sleep independently?” the question becomes, “How can we make sleep more sustainable?”
Better sleep might look like your baby waking less frequently, needing less help to settle back down, or resettling with back rubbing versus nursing or rocking back to sleep. For parents, it often means less work overnight and more predictability, even if sleep is still interrupted.
Progress is usually gradual, and that’s to be expected with an approach that’s more flexible.
Worried about sleep training? A balanced approach for whole family wellness exists.
Start with sleep associations
Sleep is a biological function, but how babies settle to sleep is learned:
Independent sleep associations: Things that help baby sleep independently, like a crib, white noise, pacifier, sleep sack, or a dark room. When your baby is 6 months they can replace and create independent sleep associations on their own.
Dependent sleep associations: Sleep cues that require parental involvement, like rocking, nursing, or staying in the room.
If your baby currently needs a feed, bottle, or rocking every time they wake, that’s not “wrong,” but it is a high-effort association. Each wake-up requires a full reset. Over time, this can become exhausting for parents and disruptive for babies.
A helpful shift is moving toward sleep associations that happen in the crib, rather than on you.
For example, instead of feeding your baby fully to sleep and then transferring them, you might nurse or feed earlier and then settle them in the crib with touch, voice, or gentle patting. The baby is still supported, but they’re doing more of the work themselves.
These associations are easier to sustain and easier to gradually pull back from if and when you’re ready. They also create some familiarity between how your baby falls asleep and where they wake up, which is incredibly helpful when they’re resettling in the middle of the night.
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Create a daily rhythm
Children thrive on knowing what comes next. Creating consistent daily routines, especially around sleep, helps your child feel oriented and secure.
Consistent morning wake-ups, naps, meals, and bedtime greatly impact your child’s circadian rhythm, even if the exact timing shifts slightly day to day.
Remember that a consistent morning wake-up time anchors the entire day. From there, naps and bedtime fall into place more naturally. If mornings vary widely, it’s much harder for your baby’s internal clock to stabilize.
If you’re wanting to create a more predictable routine for your baby, start paying attention to your baby’s natural sleep habits. Take note of when your baby naturally wakes up, how much sleep they’re getting in a 24-hour period, and how they seem during the day.
Are they content? Overtired? Wired and restless? Fighting sleep?
This information helps you understand whether your child has higher, lower, or average sleep needs and allows you to adjust expectations accordingly.
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Create a bedtime routine
A predictable wind-down routine before bedtime is one of the most effective tools for improving sleep without sleep training.
Research consistently shows that children with bedtime routines fall asleep more easily, sleep longer, and wake less overnight. The routine doesn’t need to be elaborate. What matters is that it’s calm, consistent, and repeated in the same order each night, creating a dose-dependent relationship– the more you do the routine, the greater the benefits are.
A simple bedtime routine could be:
Taking a warm bath
Putting on lotion, diaper, and pajamas
Last feed of the day with the lights on
Turning the sound machine on and dimming lights
Laying baby in the crib and singing a song
Lights out
This routine becomes a powerful signal to your child’s nervous system that sleep is coming, helping their body transition out of play time and into sleep time.
Prioritize connection
Bedtime is a major separation point in your child’s day. Increasing connection before sleep can make that separation feel less abrupt.
This might look like extra cuddling, reading together, quiet play, or simply slowing down and being fully present through the bedtime routine. For many children, feeling deeply connected before bedtime reduces resistance and helps them settle more easily, even if they still need support to fall asleep.
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Create a sleep-conducive environment
Your child’s sleep environment plays a quiet but important role in sleep quality.
A dark room can help prevent early morning wakings, especially as babies and toddlers are sensitive to light. White or brown noise can minimize disruptions from household sounds. Comfortable, breathable sleepwear helps regulate body temperature, which supports deeper sleep.
If you haven’t invested yet, it might be time to purchase legitimate blackout curtains and a sound machine.
These adjustments don’t require changing how your child falls asleep, but they can significantly improve how long they stay asleep.
Don’t forget about your own sleep!
Finally, it’s important to shift some attention back to your own sleep, because you can’t show up as the best version of yourself on broken sleep.
This is especially true with newborns and young babies, where much of their sleep is still outside of your control. Finding ways to protect your rest, even in small increments, can dramatically change how manageable nights feel.
Just a gentle reminder…
While I’m very transparent that I’m a fan of sleep training, I also know it’s not the right fit for every family at every stage. As a dually trained pediatric sleep consultant, I’ve seen time and again that sleep training is the most reliable path to consistent, restorative sleep for the whole family. That said, there are meaningful ways to improve sleep without formally sleep training — and for some families, that’s exactly where starting makes sense.
Remember, you don’t have to do everything at once, and you don’t have to choose an all-or-nothing approach. A balanced approach to sleep training does exist!
If you want to learn more about sustainable sleep habits that work for your family, you can find my most requested FREE sleep resources HERE.
